Lost Love, New Love
by anamaric17
Summary: Pam's past is haunting her and Tara is there to comfort her.


Title: "Lost Love, New Love"

Author: Anamaric17 aka Brittley

London, 1845

She sat in her room away from the party that her parents were holding and cried. Her blue eyes overrunning and causing her vision to blur. Her head ached from not eating or drinking anything for hours, but her heart hurt most. She looked at the letter left on her bed and began to recollect the pain that led up to this moment...

Three nights earlier...

"Julia what do you mean married! You can not get married!" She said her voice rising again and her hands holding the other girl's desperately. Julia, a redhead with the greenest eyes she had ever seen, pushed her shoulder roughly and they turned a corner. They had been in Julia's family garden talking when her friend told her about her upcoming nuptials.

"Pamela I can not do this with you anymore...you knew it was futile I must make a name for myself. I'm sorry."

Pam looked at her heatedly for a moment before pulling away and feeling her throat close at her cruel words.

"So does my love for you mean nothing? Did you only want to have a bit of fun and then what...I'm alone?" She said her pale hand in a fist but she knew she would never hit her.

Julia began to cry now and Pam's anger became less but it was still lingering around the edges. Julia fell to her knees ruining her pretty pink dress...the same one Pam had bought her earlier that year as a birthday gift. Two years of kisses, making love, and secret holidays were now coming to an end.

"I _do_ love you Pamela...my sweet Pamela. However my father found out and he had married me off...there is nothing I can do."

Pam kneeled so that they were eye level and grabbed Julia's face wiping at the fallen tears. She kissed her passionatley hoping to persuade her to leave Engand with her.

"We can escape...I will take care of you believe that. Please Julia do not do this! I can't let you go...I'll die if you do this."

Julia shook her head no and sent red curls everywhere. She was shaking in Pam's arms and all she could do was hold her...hold her and know she was no longer hers...

There was a knock on Pam's door and then her mother entered with a tray of biscuits, tea, and cakes. She turned her head into her pilllows to hide her emotions as she thought of the last day she saw Julia in the garden and to hide the note too.

"Pamela dear why don't you come down to the party...there are a few gentlemen downstairs that your father approves of courting you." Her mother said getting closer to the bed and Pam wished she would just leave. That woman had never understood her and when she was a teenager and tried to tell her mother about her feelings for other girls, she ignored it.

"Is this still about Julia Danvers?" Her mother asked but Pam remained silent.

"Oh Pam this silly notion of yours with this girl has gone far enough. You aren't married which at your age is a bit sad, but there is still hope."

"You-you knew about Julia and I?" Pam said sitting up in the bed, eyes still rimmed red. Her mother looked away before picking at the end of the covers.

"I am not proud of your behavior but I am not blind Pamela...she was not right for you that's all. You'll find a husband and have children and all this will be behnd you. You'll see." Her mother didn't say anything else but rose to go to the door.

"Mother...how do you...how do you know I will get over this? I do not feel anything for men."

Her mother looked at her with tears in her eyes before she spoke again.

"I know you will because I did. Goodnight Pamela." With that she was gone and Pamela soon fell into a dreamless sleep haunted by her mother's words and a red-haired girl.

Present Day, 2012 Sheveport, LA:

Her memories from her human life had come back to her ever since that night Tara and Sookie had broke into the authorities with Eric and Nora. The more she tried to ignore it the more she thought about Julia breaking her heart and her mother's honest words. To think her mother was gay and ignored it to fit into society had never been something she dealt with except in her head...Eric didn't even know about that.

"You want the Tru Blood in the back room stacked by blood type?" Tara's southern draw startling her somewhat and she quickly turned to face her progeny taking in the sight of her. Her skin unadored by make-up but still glowing with the smoothness of it, her hair in a tight bun, and her brown eyes staring back at her.

"You alright Pam?" Tara asked feeling the weariness in their bond but Pam played it off. She nodded and grabbed Tara's chin gently before kissing her.

"Never better just thinking of...things. You can stock them the way you want ok?" She said running her pale fingertips down Tara's cheek. Tara smiled a bit leaning into the touch before taking another kiss from her maker.

"Ok...but you'd tell me if something was bothering you...right?"

"Yeah. Now go we got lots to do tonight." She said and Tara nodded knowing she wasn't going to get more of an answer.

Pam wasn't lying Fangtasia was busier than normal with the new shipments of Tru Blood coming in after the whole factory disaster. She sat on her throne and watched the bar her mind still thinking of a time long past. She started to compare the way she had felt for Julia with how she felt for Tara and the more she thought about it the more she realized Tara shone in comparison.

Maybe part of it was because they were progeny and maker, but something told Pam it was more than that. Unlike Julia who let the world decide for her, Tara would fight tooth and nail to save Pam and stay by her side. Tara was a warrior and although a part of the older vampire still wondered what would have happened to her, had she not gotten on a ship to America to ease her broken heart where she would have ended up, she knew she wouldn't change a thing.

Tara had a break in between her shift and came over to stand by her throne. Pam looked up grabbing her hand and squeezing a bit. Tara smiled at her before asking again if she was ok. Pam debated if she should tell Tara about Julia but in the end she thought the moment was wrong. She would share her past with her new lover but she didn't want to give up that much past hurt so early and without warning Tara about it first.

"I am ok now...truly just had a few passing nightmares." She paused and vamp sped Tara with her to their bedroom. Tara frowned confused by the quick movement still getting used to the vampire power. Pam pushed her on the bed and in a very un-pamela-like way, she lay down curled around Tara's body. Tara petted her hair whispering her name to her.

"I need you Tara...I need you just like this." Pam said her eyes becoming blood-filled and Tara tightened her hold.

"You have me...I'm not going anywhere Pam. I love you."

"I love you too Tara. More than anything I love you."

They didn't speak anymore for a very long time and part of Pam felt like that human girl again with the broken heart but she no longer cared. She knew Tara was ok with her acting out of character and wouldn't tell anyone but she really just needed to be held and cherished for a while.

"Pam?"

"Hmmm."

"You know you're scaring me a bit right? What's wrong baby?" Tara asked and Pam sighed sitting up on the bed and pulling away a bit as she told Tara about her memories...about Julia.

"Oh Pam...I'm so sorry." Tara said pulling her back down and kissing her maker's collarbone.

"You must think its pathetic to think about something that happened over a hundred years ago but when I knew I loved you...it all came back." Pam said honestly and Tara let a blood tear fall of her own.

"I will never do that no matter what. I would die if you ever left me Pam so you know I'll never do that to you."

"I know and that's why you're so special to me Tara. You are my everything."

They stayed in that room for the rest of the night talking and Pam for once let her feelings show through. She may never got the chance with Julia to make things right but with Tara, her new love, she knew she was safe to say or do whatever she felt. As she lay there in Tara's arms she knew this new love was truly eternal.


End file.
